Taming the Tongue

James 3

3 weeks ago, I began this blog…finally completed today.

“It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.” ― Mark Twain

Kind of Ironic, that Doug will preach today and I’m attempting to write today on a scripture in which James wrote to warn us to control our tongue. That makes all three of us using our “tongue” to warn others not to use their tongue…??? The hypocrisy makes me chuckle.

James warns us that few should be teachers, because we will be judged with greater strictness. He warns that our tongue is a small member with great power, like the rudder of a boat or a small fire that sets the forest ablaze. James reminds us we are not so perfect, we use our tongues for bitterness, jealousy, selfish ambition, boasting, and evil, and we forget that true wisdom comes only from God.

I was in a business share group for 10 years with a specific structure for our small group dynamics. When someone shared, we were not to give advice. We could share our own experience, but not advice. Advice has an element of judgement, and this would not be conducive to the authenticity and vulnerability we wished to promote. I noticed in that group that I felt extremely comfortable and safe to be transparent in what I shared. I also noticed when the dynamic changed. If someone got exuberant and offered a suggestion of, “hey, you SHOULD….” or even at times when I ask for advice, it was hard not to feel judgment in the words that came. In the right environment, we are all pretty good at figuring out the direction we need to go, or what we need to change, or what we need to do, or not do… However, change and growth are hard. What I need is an unconditional environment, I need to know that in my best and worst decisions, I will be accepted, loved, in supportive community. I shared one day, in this business group, my deep sense of failure. I was in the middle of one of the lowest times in my career. I explained that our performance was so poor that the bank was telling me that we could no longer borrow money and I was afraid we might lose our business. Seven business leaders did NOT start giving me coaching and advice, but rather one by one began telling me the stories of when they were in similar situations: They told me about feeling failure, feeling embarrassed, feeling incompetent, questioning their role in leadership, experiencing fear and anxiety. One leader told me about losing part of his farm business due to the bank pulling his loan. One man talked about feeling incompetent running a huge business in Seattle. Another talked about being rejected by multiple banks at a time of desperately needing capital for his business. The stories continued and I felt know. I ceased to feel alone. Eventually, we got to the practical part of my problem, but the first response was grace and support. They were slow to speak that day. They did not teach me, but rather lived out James 3. They showed me wisdom and understanding in meekness.

I find myself almost every day in a position to teach. The relationships in my life present me regularly with the temptation to tell someone what to do. A couple of months ago, my son Nic asked me to help him with his taxes. I arrogantly conjured my inner CPA (which I am not) and quickly began to tell Nic how to start working on his taxes. “You need to organize your W2 forms, gather your 1099 INT statements, then open an account in turbo tax….” Nic sheepishly interrupted me and said, “Uh, Dad, I already did all of that. I was just hoping you would review my completed 1040 before I send it off to the IRS.” Nic did not need advice, he need someone to listen and be slow to speak. I clearly violated the maxim of Mark Twain. I had opened my mouth and removed all doubt of my foolishness.

The fact that this is who we are as people fits with what I know about the Kingdom of God. We were created. We are not the wise creator, but rather the creation. We arrogantly and misguidedly ate from the tree of knowledge and aspired to have the wisdom of our Creator. However, we were created to be in a graceful relationship. To respond to this Grace. To love God and love our neighbor. The Wisdom is God’s.

And yes, I see the paradox as I teach in my blog….